the cast:
ashwin
Dr Prassana Kumar(genial surgeon)
2 security gaurds
a cab driver
the turmoil ridden common people
smiling clerk
smiling lady officer
the busy cashier
the annoying queue jumper
X-ray guy
jobless on the bench
ECG chief
Ecg technician
Eye Doctor 1
Eye Doctor 2
Eye technician
props
Issac Asimov nightfall
my unwieldy helmet
the story so far... i have gotten the PCC and its attestation and now its time for me to get my medical clearance certificate..... read on....
i went there riding all the way on a Friday hoping to find the good doctor around by 10.30 in the morning. mistake number 1. the people @ this wonderful hospital dont give you the doctors number, they say that he doesent have any number.... they however do give you a landline upon calling which you can safely assume that no one will pick up. while you are hearing the echoing rings an assistant is likely to come upon it for that most Indian of sports "time pass", a sample conversation went like this "do you know where Dr mv prassana kumar is? i don't know, he might be doing rounds in the casualty ward, you can come and meet him "
so there i was in the heat standing and hoping that the Dr would show up sooner than later.. i went in once to the front office and enquired, the nurses said reassuringly "he will be here in half an hour", so i went out and started the waiting process. started chewing threw the pages half hoping my ordeal would end any minute, in the mean time i saw people being turned away from the main gate in the casualty ward, the rule looked simple, if i don't like you or if you are young you have to go to the side entrance which is @ the bottom of a slope to enter.
i went in again a couple of times @ half hour intervals, told each time "he will be here any moment", sigh the waiting times, i looked inside the mini police station which is situated inside the casualty ward hoping to get a seat there, then 2nd thoughts persuaded me otherwise....
while i was going out, a man with a trimmed beard and slightly bloodshot eyes was arguing viciously with the security guard to let a women in, the khaki clothed cop stationed there was coolly sitting and watching the fun enfolding.
the guards said no, the man said yes and he pulled the railings apart to let the women through simultaneously telling everyone that these guys would have let the women in if she had given 5 or 10 bucks, i was watching the proceedings from inside as it was time for me to stand out side again. i approached the gate while the tug of war was going on between the 2 guards in light brown uniform and the irate man, the gate hit my hand in the me lee, however no damage was done, as i went out side the glowering man suddenly switched to English and said in a twinged accent "useless people don't know what to do!!" he looked at me after this hoping i would concur which i quickly averted thinking these security guards could make my life miserable if they wanted to.
time dragged by and my legs were paining, in between walking breaks and getting a recharge done for my mobile phone i realised that twas 12.20 now, nearly 2 hours since i arrived in this dump.
then a slightly portly taxi driver in white dress gestured to me saying "he has come, i will point him out to you," 'i wished him well', suddenly the good doctor appeared, and as mentioned by the nurses described earlier he was wearing a watch on his right hand and was a bit portly,
while i hurried behind him, a couple who had arrived about 1/2 an hour earlier started chasing him, all of us were talking to him when he left us and proceeded to the 1st floor. i waited some more.....
after a while the good doctor made me sit on a custom made bench, its got enough space but absolutely no comfort.
then the journey began: he told me to go to counter number 3 which is out side to get a OPD card.
i walked out in the searing heat, to counter number 3 to see a lady being literally spat upon by the lady @ the counter. i was next in queue, after the prefunctory questions she gave me the card with my name printed on it, it was time to go to the dreaded Outpatient Ward.
OPD aka (Outpatient Ward) also bureaucratice hell on earth
i was asked to go to room number 15 by the genial doctor. i went there to see absolute chaos, people were standing wondering what to do? mostly rural people totally wonderstuck about the brutality of goverment office. people were walking in that wide corridor making it like a small lane. within 2 seconds i could feel the overwhelming to throttle someone or worse puke right there, the government was beginning to get to me. :P
i saw a person getting pulling a strecher coming towards me, i asked him "what do i do?" he said casually go to 15 C
i went below and found a sticky lady, litterally lookin like the thin branch of a tree. i asked her "where do i go?"she wrote rupees 50 on the paper given to me by the doc and said "go to room number 5 A"
i asked "where is that?"she smiled and replied "right @ the entrance", welcome to a government hospital....
i walked briskly and reached this counter to find a lady bugging the cashier, the cashier blabbering to someone on the phone. time was nearly 1.00 and i was told by the doc that the x-ray place would close down @ 1, getting impatient i was about to put my paper forward when another lady came up and tried to jump the queue.
what the crap??? there are 2 people in the queue and this lady didn't want to stand in the queue, indignant at this cavalier attitude i asked her to come in queue mentioning my problem, a small argument ensued, all in good humor, Welcome to India!!
finishing with the payment after this incident i ran all the way back now to room number 15, waiting for my turn to be called in. an old man was in a wheelchair, some people were squatting on the nearby stone benches.
i gave my card and the x-ray sheet, when a chap asked the attendant @ the spot "how do i get a X-ray done", the attendant explained but somehow this man didn't understand, fed up the attendant said laughingly "you sit here as you wont understand what i am saying", meanwhile i was awaiting my turn eagerly, peering in every 2 minutes.
there were lots of people moving in the corridor and hence it felt like a swarm of insects were invading my entire body, a pregnant lady came and asked the wizened attendant "the procedure for getting a X-ray", feeling sad i gave her the instructions promptly, she went away smiling.
finally after what seemed an eternity my turn came. i went in and was asked to remove my shirt, gold chain.
then i was made to stand in front of what looked like an ancient torture device, i was asked to press my chest to a plate and put my arms out in front of the plate and bring my feet together, i guess that this is what frogs feel like before they are dissected.
the plate was cold and metallic and i was asked to hold my breath in.. then suddenly the process was over,
figuring that things were finally happening fast, i put on my blue tee shirt, took my bag and ran towards the ECG room. It was closed!!!!!!, there was a chap sitting there with a bike helmet in his hand, he nonchalantly said "it will open @ 2.00"
finished my lunch and came back @ 2.00, it still hadn't opened. finally @ 2.10 someone went it and i followed quickly, suddenly out of nowhere they wheeled in a bearded man on a stretcher.
before i could say anything another chap who had trouble walking was ushered in before me. i refrained from saying anything. it had been nearly 4 hours since i had come to this hell hole and the smell and efficiency was beginning to get to me.
finally after about 5 minutes i was called in, then they asked me to remove all metallic stuff and lie down bare chested, guess thats like standard procedure for these things.
then the young assistant inside that room put some jelly on my hairy chest, the side of my feet, then through a small square hole she asked the supervisor to start the machine. it cranked out a print out and this was passed on through the same hole mentioned earlier. took my stuff and the ECG and left.
went to the doctor and he casually looked at the ECG and said go have an eye examination, i was thinking "will this day ever end O Lord"
i went to the ECG room which is like a neat rectangle, there was a young lady who was examining this chap and giving him advice, they saw me next, then asked me the symptoms, i said "headache" as mentioned by the doctor, they sent me for an eye exam which i had no problem acing.
finally after this additional rigmarole i left bowring feeling dirty and disgusted, heading straight home.
Note: most of the people @ bowring are very nice, however the government like feel to that place can ruin any persons mood.
cheers..
hic...
ashwin..
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